Y'know...I'm not the type to be showing people Im sad and such...so its hard to tell with me, usually I just sit there or whatever, I stare out daydreaming or listen to music...or at least force myself to smile but this time I really can't....B.S I probably say that all the time.
I don't know... Something inside doesnt feel right...The guy I love...yeah we're dating know...is apparently Bi now...cuz of Frida...you know...yeah...and....I dont know...It just hurt to know that maybe I haven't been doing much at all. I asked If he was going to break up with me he got confused...He didnt answer it till lator on when I started feeling sick and he thought it was because of that.
I'm not sure if it was..probably..I usually get really feverish If I end up thinking a lot or wanna cry or etc...I don't know...
Not like any girl...I think...but i got troubles in the summer...and even though I should probably feel shitty..dont get me wrong..I am but...I feel horrible for making him feel useless...Even when I was sick I still wanted him to stay..i guess his brother came home early....so i left after...
Knowing me...pfft...I dont know...I don't know myself anymore either...All I know is that I'm not allowed to cut myself or die...it's going to be hard to get any sleep tonight thats for sure...probably gonna cry..or just doze off since im actually etremely tired..i'm just trying to get more sick then I already am...
back to him...well...The news...was pretty big...but I feel like I've lost him so soon...Like he would leave me...but really I hope he doesnt..unless he finds someone else he's happy with.
To tell the truth...he's actually the first guy I've ever liked this much...even though he's older then me and all...but it's true.
Right now I feel so hurt and shitty like im a glass with one crack thatll just make the whole vase shatter letting all that water drown...
I feel like I've lost him to someone else to make matters worse mom got on my nerves....NOW...I really don't care what happens to me, I could be slapped by my brother and I wouldnt care...I would but when I end up in my room I wouldn't...I could be grounded for more then the summer...I dont care I'll have my chances to come on when I have to do a project....
I've lost inside...All systems failed.....
I think it's just my head talking but its true...in a way.. I dont know.....I'm just tired..I think..
" I Want To Feel Your Embrace Yet I Don't.
I Hate You Yet I Always Love and Loved You.
I Want You To Tell Me It'll All Be Okay Because You'll Be There.
If You're Happy With Somone Else Then Leave Me Behind,
But Take Me With Your Memories. "
...Night
~MoyashiLotus
